REDUCED FAT KARATE BASTARDS

INT. APARTMENT -- DAY

In a nearly destroyed apartment, WANTON-FUI FUKIMATCHI SMITH sits
meditating calmly in contrast to his surroundings.  The camera
dizzingly dollys around him as the GHOST IN THE SHELL soundtrack
screeches above tolerable levels.  This continues for 21 minutes, or
until someone in the audience pukes.  The phone rings -- Wonton
answers.  The voice on the other end is inaudible, but that doesn't
seem to phase him.  He hangs up, and nobody knows what's going on.

                                 ___
                                /""~\
                               {'O'O'}
                                \ - /
                                _/ \_
                               / . . \
                              / |   | \
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                             / `~%~~~  \
                             \ _,~`=D_ /
                             

TITLE (hand written):  REDUCED FAT KARATE BASTARDS

EXT. FOREST -- DAY

Sitting menacingly in the grass is CLARK THE ROBOT smoking a
cigarrette, which signifies he's bad because only bad people smoke.
Nearby are his minions: BIRDMAN and THUG.  Clark narrates to them how
they plan on chopping down the forest to build a shopping mall, and
the minions inefficiently hack away at a few nearby trees.  Clark,
concerned about interference, orders Birdman, who wears a red
bird-like mask, to take care of it.  He runs off.

EXT. WANTON'S APARTMENT -- DAY

Birdman knocks on Wanton's door, and the hero answers.

                               BIRDMAN
         You wanna fight?

                      WANTON-FUI FUKIMATCHI SMITH
                            (catch phrase)
         Hmmm... Hmmmm... Hmmm... Well... Okay.

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The two face off.  However, Wonton gets a phone call -- it's Clark the
Robot.

                           CLARK THE ROBOT
                           (over the phone)
         I suppose you want to know my plan?  Well, I'll
         tell you...

Meanwhile, Birdman gets bored and picks up a BOOMBOX.  He begins to
parade around with it on his shoulder, blasting loud music. Clark's
voice is completely drowned out.

                      WANTON-FUI FUKIMATCHI SMITH
         What?  What was that?  I can't hear you!  What?!

Eventually, Birdman turns off the music.

                           CLARK THE ROBOT
                           (over the phone)
         ...So, that's my plan.  I'm not going to tell you
         again.  That's it!  Goodbye!

Wanton looks confused, but he goes back to Birdman.  They fight.

FIGHT

Eventually, Wanton manages to knock Birdman's mask off.

                               BIRDMAN
         Ooooooooo!  Now I'm *really* mad!

Closeup of Birdman holding SPARKLERS up to his head.  He charages at
Wonton.  There seems like there's no escape for the protagonist, but
at the last minute, he simply jumps out of the way.  Birdman, having
no time to stop, slams straight into DRACULA THE TURKEY.

                          DRACULA THE TURKEY
         Gobble! Gobble! Gobble! Gobble!

The DEATHSTAR explodes.

EXT. FOREST -- DAY

Wanton runs in some direction until he meets THUG.  They fight.

FIGHT

At some point, THUG gets knocked down and he spits KETCHUP out of his
mouth.  As he gets up, he reaches for the ultimate weapon: his TIERA.

(side shot) The thug fires on Wanton with his TIERA SILLY STRING
ATTACK by holding the can of silly string up to the side of his face
opposite the camera so we can't see it.  Wanton is overcome by such
fierce power as he's pushed back and eventually crumples.  He lies
motionless -- it appears THUG has won.  This seems to be the end of our
hero.  There is no recovery from this most-awesome display of
superiority.  How can there ever be a sequel now?

Wanton finally stirs.  Shock and confusement from Thug.

                              TIERA THUG
         This can't be!  It's.. It's impossible!

Dramatically, Wanton pulls himself up, tearing threads of silly string
off him.  He stumbles at first, building up strength as he gets
closer and closer to Thug.  Finally, with Thug confused, Wonton slugs
him.  Then he mildly stomps on his tiera.  Thug is defeated.

                                     
                                 ( )
                          ( ).o;. | .;o.( )
                            \ *8;i|i;8* /
                          `.%;,,~---~,,;%.'
                         o  -'         `-  o
                         .>'             `<.
                         .(               ).
                           \             /

                (that's a tiera.  No, really, it is.)


      
EXT. NEARBY SOMEWHERE -- DAY

Wanton comes across Clark the Robot, and he lightly kicks him down a
slight incline.  Clark the Robot is defeated.

                      WANTON-FUI FUKIMATCHI SMITH
         I wonder what that was all about.

                               THE END